A Selfish Heart

There are a lot of situations in life when you get asked the question "Use one word to describe yourself."  I have used a lot of words but I never say selfish.  Not because I am not selfish because I am.  But because it isn't that endearing.  I don't have sisters and I didn't play boy team sports so that didn't help matters.  But I feel like in the 10 step program admitting it is half the battle.  I try to do better but sometimes it just gets the best of me.  I feel like this time though something is just testing my selfish heart...

I have been blessed with amazing friends in my life.  I have never been the type of person that needs thousands of acquaintances so I have always tried to build lasting, meaningful friendships with the people I connect with.  I love sharing in the happiness and joys of my friends.  Being there for them when things aren't so great.  And celebrating the chapters of life as they unfold.  Even when the next chapter leaves me say, 150 miles or more out of reach. 

In April, one of my dearest friends packed up her Ford Escape and followed her heart to Dallas!  I am so happy for her and that she is finally not commuting every weekend to see the love of her life.  I was sad though, what would I do without that piece of my heart here?  We are linked in so many ways and have so many weird things in common that we actually seem normal to each other.  Well, Dallas is a short drive and she is a HUGE OSU fan so I know she will at least visit during football season:)  Scheduled phone chats once a week also help!  I love you Chels and will never forget you barging into my office and letting me know you were not in fact easedropping on my phone conversations but you knew a thing or two about weddings and could help me out if I wanted you to with mine.  A million memories, chewed up carpet, curbside pick-up and a roadtrip to Austin later and we are still going strong. 

Genuine friends must be cherished and not forsaken (Prov. 27: 10)

Two weeks later I get a phone call from one of my best friends.  She had some exciting news!  She and her husband would be moving to Austin, TX where he will be starting his career as a dentist.  Gulp.  Of course this is good news.  They have a lot of family in Texas, tons of friends in Texas and wonderful job opportunities waiting for them.  I tried to be excited...I was a little bit excited...but I was selfishly sad yet again.  We started our big girl jobs together.  She was there for my engagement.  She was in my wedding.  I was there for her engagement.  I was in her wedding.  She was the one I had to leak the secret to when I found out the best news of my life...I was having a baby girl.  From laying in bed and watching movies to getting all dressed up and hitting the town, we have fun no matter what we do.  She even made sure that I brushed my hair & applied lip gloss before anyone snapped photos of me in the hospital after having Paige.  Another chunk of my heart is heading to Texas...I love you Bethie and will miss you so. 

A friend is a close companion on the rainy days, someone to share with through every phase.  Forgiving and helping to bring the best, believing the good and forgetting the rest (1 Corinthians 13:7)

My sweet hubby dried lots of tears from my cheeks over these gals.  Then reminded me ever so kindly that they were both a short drive or plane ride away and he would make sure that I get to see them.  Selfish me wishes they were both staying here, but I am working on it.  I know these next steps are right for them and I couldn't be happier as they follow their hearts and dreams.  But that nasty little part of me is thinking about none other than ME!   It just means I will have to work harder to be a better friend and work even harder to make sure no matter how many miles separate us, we will be just as great of friends as ever. 

As yet another friend is working on the next chapter of her family's book, my heart can't help but hurt a little more.  Talk about life phases...we met in college.  Worked at a small town bank together.  Were in each others weddings.  I was there when her daughter was born.  Her first son.  My daughter. Her second son.  first homes, second homes.  Laughter and tears. From laying on the beach to laying on the couch watching movies, to learning to cook.  From young and wild and free to giving up our careers to move on the the upmost calling of being mothers, we have been by each others sides...and always will be.  Kimberly, you are the closest thing to a sister I will ever have and I will always be by your side, no matter what. 

One of the greatest statements of friendship and loyalty in all of literature comes from the Book of Ruth. I love this story and read it often, especially when I need to be a better friend. I will sign off this pity party with this and will vow to be happy for these ladies and their new life adventures.  I pray Paige will be blessed to find friendships like these and more importantly, that she will cherish her friendships and strive to be like Ruth...the most unselfish of friends. 

But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me." Ruth 1:16-17