Being Tested

A few days ago I posted about being a light...in your family, community, world and I have gone back and forth about posting this and since I can't come up with anything else for today...here goes:

Literally less than one minute after hitting "publish" on that post, my doorbell rang.  Irritated since my little baby was sleeping but went to look to see who it was.  A woman who i don't know was standing there with the look of solicitation in her face.  I never open the door when people come by because I am a protective mother bear but not quite as strong as a bear so I like the steal door's separation.  Anyway, the woman asks me several questions and tells me she is in a 12 step program to get on her feet.  She and her son (one month younger than Paige) had just moved out of a half way house.  She begins to tell me she is selling magazines that can be donated to shelters and to be quite honest, we get this stuff all the time where we live and we always say no thanks and move on. 

I don't know if I was "called" to help her or not but definitely called to listen.  When I started getting confused with the magazine stuff I asked if I could just make a donation, she showed me in her paperwork that it was against the law for her to take donations.  So I pick a magazine and give her some cash.  All the while I keep thinking, don't be a hypocrit--do what you say--be a light, am I being scammed?, she has a baby and is going door to door-this is terrible, and so much more.  She asked me to write her a small message on her sheet.  I wrote, "the Lord is with you, let him in your heart and never give up.  God bless you!"  Then I asked her if I could give her a hug.  We hugged and I told her to take care of her baby boy.  Then she left. 

When I came inside, my eyes were filled with tears and I started analyzing again.  Had I just been scammed??  I have a small stash of cash from my Craig's list sales that I have been carefully saving every dollar so that I can purchase bedding for our extreme master bedroom makeover.  Since bedding is not in the budget right now, these $$ are very important!!  The money I gave her came out of this stash so I started thinking about that.  This is my hard earned money from items I have had in my home that I bought with our money and then took the time to sell and have given part of it to a woman I don't know and certainly don't know what will happen to this money.  Then I felt convicted for thinking about comforters as more important than a mother working door to door.  I also reminded myself, it isn't my job to worry if she is doing the right thing with our money but to be a light.  My main goal was to let this woman know someone believed in her.  She told me her mother was forced to give her up at 2 years old and she never knew her father.  She didn't blame them for her problems, she said she has made a lot of bad decisions along the way but is really trying. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't.  But I pray she is.  I pray if she is doing the right thing, she keeps it up for her and her sons sake.  If she isn't, I hope she feels convicted for lying and guilty by her actions.  She asked me to keep her in my prayers and I will.  Her face will stay in my mind so will her sons--she showed me a picture of him. 

I'm telling this story not to brag or show you how I help the less fortunate.  In the past year, I am sure 50 people have knocked on our door and we have turned away at least 47 of them.  And I will turn others away too I'm sure.  But I know I was being tested and learned a very valuable lesson.  I pray each and every day that God will help me to be a good mom, wife, neighbor, daughter, sister, friend and so on.  That he will bless my family and keep us healthy, watching over each and every one of us.  What if He wouldn't listen to my prayers on the days I make bad choices, gossip, skip church and so on....?  I would be in a huge mess.  "Anyone who shows kindness and compassion to others will receive the same kindness and compassion from God.  Do things His way.  Give others a break when they make a mistake."

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."  Matthew 5:7